Circe (painisbeauty666) wrote,

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yes i know im updating a u gonna do about it?

wow...i just stumbled upon this crazy song with crazy lyrics that i LOVE
"Hey Foxymophandlemama, That's Me" by pearl jam
it roxors...roxors damn hard...although the lyrics at the beginning are somewhat odd

i feel like such an evil bitch. in my big entry today...i talked about how i thought factors were part of why someone was being nice to me...nicer than that someone has been all week...and...i mean...i still think the factor could've affected it...but gah...i'm being way over analytical...why cant i ever just accept the few good things life gives people being nice to me [and right now im talking talking about talking about people]...grr...i feel like such a bitch for always being so suspicious and thinking "oh god! alterior[sp?] motives!"...granted its an excellent defense mechanism...but it was recently established im a terrible judge of when its safe to let my gaurd down why bother being defensive in the first place...its never done me any good...its gotten me to run away from things that coulda made me happy...3 times now ive done that...and when it doesnt make me run away b/c for once i let my defenses down...i do it in the worst possible relationship to do so in and fuck things over for myself much worse than if i had just been defensive...gah so much is changing in my mind and just...everythings a mess...hence all my rambling in here that no one takes seriously...which admitadely is quite possibly a good thing

i have thought about it real, uhh, real deep...
yes, i believe i would...
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