in the words of elana: i look like shit, i feel like shit, therefore, i'm shit.
my spin on it: i look like death, i feel like death, therefore, i'm dead.
happiness? i think not.
i was watching Every 17 Minutes the Crowd Goes Crazy today and it made me miss people terribly...people like mickey<333333333 and alon<333 and all the other people in that cast that i know...and it just made me miss camp in general...i do believe that was the show during which zoe completely covered my legs in graffiti[sp?] and funny stories about bunnies and cuddly bears...and it was raining that day and after the show we brought all the guys into our bunk and got yelled at by nicole but we didnt care b/c it was the last day and we just wanted to be together...god i miss french woods...i want to go home =(
i do believe in february there's like some holiday...presidents day or something...where we have a 3 day weekend...[february 19-21 i think?]...well the saturday of that 3 day weekend...whether or not its 3 days for u guys up there...reunion in the city???? e-mail me [firstname.lastname@example.org] or IM me [u all have my sn] or SOMETHING so we can make plans...i need to see you guys again...i miss you all and love you all more than life itself [or death itself depending on whos reading this ;)]...WE NEED TO BE REUNIONING!...and inform mali and teri and sean and all the other people who don't read my lj!!!!
and on a side note...i hate this feeling of helplessness and lack of control i have...in general and even with my own actions...like i cant even control myself...for example...running...i feel completely helpless to stop myself...its not a fun feeling.
greatly amusing line i saw on ER today:
"i have a hangnail on my toe and it really hurts but the service here is terrible *blah blah blah*"
"i have a brain tumor. i win."
before-sat there feeling like death
spanish-pals was easy...part after pals was annoying...but i got a homework pass outta it...so woohoo
theater-k was being crazy at the beginning of class and it made me laugh a lot =)...i am going to hurt daniel chestnut...he wasnt there...again...so me and sondra couldn't really reherse much
lunch-i hate the world. i dont think so about one of the four...i lie...2...and i realized although i thought im looking for a boyfriend...really im just looking for a shoulder attatched to big strong arms attatched to a person who is my friend...and joy and fucking rapture...blaine decided today to talk to me and try and be all nice w/ shit like "oh thats so fucked up that they did it"..."why wud he go for her when he had u thats just idiotic"...just shit that coming from him made me want to strangle him...and thank god for self control...b/c without it something woulda been broken today...whether it would have been school probably or a body part [preferably neck] i dont know yet
alg2-too much work...and i kept falling asleep x_x
history-im not easily grossed out...but brendan seems to manage...he stuck a piece of a pen in his eye...ewwy
after-zoned to pearl jam but ended up thinking about what i always think about...and no its not what you think it is...i can GAURANTEE that
and btw...i decided to friend only from here on out...starting with all entries after this [unless i make one w/ a FO banner]...so if u want to read but rnt friended...comment.
livejournal angers me
apparantly there is no way to set the default setting as "friends only"
so if i wanted to make the layout pretty so if yr not friended all u see is my FO banner...id have to edit every entry ive ever made and make them all FO
i think id rather shoot myself
so now i must either make a new username
not bother with a banner and just make everything from here out friends only
or give up and leave it so all can read
it hurts like holy fucking hell to walk...i mean god...fucking hurts...and its not like its one leg so i can just favor it...its both...and they hurt equally bad...and...gah...PAIN
ask me any question you want
but every question will have the same answer
"i don't know"
oh and btw...once i find a friends only banner i like...this is becomming friends only...so if u read this and i dont know...i reccomend u inform me...or if u read this but dont have a journal...i reccomend u get one
wow...i just stumbled upon this crazy song with crazy lyrics that i LOVE
"Hey Foxymophandlemama, That's Me" by pearl jam
it roxors...roxors damn hard...although the lyrics at the beginning are somewhat odd
i feel like such an evil bitch. in my big entry today...i talked about how i thought factors were part of why someone was being nice to me...nicer than that someone has been all week...and...i mean...i still think the factor could've affected it...but gah...i'm being way over analytical...why cant i ever just accept the few good things life gives me...like people being nice to me [and right now im talking talking about someone...im talking about people]...grr...i feel like such a bitch for always being so suspicious and thinking "oh god! alterior[sp?] motives!"...granted its an excellent defense mechanism...but it was recently established im a terrible judge of when its safe to let my gaurd down anyway...so why bother being defensive in the first place...its never done me any good...its gotten me to run away from things that coulda made me happy...3 times now ive done that...and when it doesnt make me run away b/c for once i let my defenses down...i do it in the worst possible relationship to do so in and fuck things over for myself much worse than if i had just been defensive...gah so much is changing in my mind and just...everythings a mess...hence all my rambling in here that no one takes seriously...which admitadely is quite possibly a good thing
i have thought about it real, uhh, real deep...
yes, i believe i would...
i made myself a new pretty colorful icon with my current favorite lyric =)
We are all candy covered on the outside
Peel away the shell and we're rotten on the inside